Forty seven things are happening around here, everyday, these days.
I haven’t officially clocked it but May and the end of school feels busier and crazier than December.
Do you feel the same way?
Does it seem like you’re running around like a crazy lady?
Not only that, but lots of feelings surround this time of year, especially if one of your children is hitting a milestone like moving up to a new school or graduating from high school.
This year, I have two girls graduating from high school.
It all feels a little surreal.
Like someone stuck me a time machine and suddenly, I’m here…
Looking at grown girls instead of holding two babies in my arms.
With the endless flow of new awards ceremonies, parties, unexpected things on that weren’t on the calendar, and constant running from one thing to the next that comes with the end of the school year…
There’s a gauge I use to help me know if I’m staying present.
As a parent at this time of the year and life and moving on it can be easy to either live in the past or the future…
In the past, looking at how far your children have come can quickly spiral into all the parenting you wish you would have done better…
the light and the dark come crashing into my mind and maybe yours, too.
I remember the sweet rituals that have gone by the wayside and I want to reclaim them and make them happen again before the days are over.
If I stay too long in this place, I begin to feel sad and bummed, depressed and disappointed in myself.
Have you done that, too?
I begin to be too hard on my past self and beat her up with ‘what ifs’ and “should haves”…
At the same time I look to the future and hope I’ve taught them all that they will need as they go out into the world.
Staying here too long gets me worried and anxious wondering what’s ahead and hoping I’ve not left anything undone.
Are we in this together?
In these times…
The one thing I try to remember…
The two phrases I say to myself in these moments that are inevitable and come washing over me unexpectedly is this…
If I’m feeling discouraged or depressed, I’m living in the past.
If I’m feeling anxious or worried, I’m living in the future.
This gentle reminder brings me back to the present.
The place that matters.
The place in which I live and the place where I can act.
Remembering that discouragement or worry means I’m living somewhere else in that moment gives me the little nudge that I can let those things go.
I can watch them float away.
Carried away on the wind or white clouds…
I’m not saying it’s not okay to feel the grief and sadness of milestones and moments passing away.
Definitely feel those feelings.
Feeling all of that is important.
I’m talking about when it crosses the line into regret, shame, guilt, and all those things we tend to use to beat ourselves up with.
Depression means I’m living in the past and most likely allowing myself to be overtaken with regret instead of gratitude for the life I’ve been blessed to live and witness.
Anxiety and worry mean I’m living in a future I can’t control instead of being grateful for this moment I’m in right now, seeing all the beauty and the love and the amazingness around me.
There is no judgement in finding myself in these places.
It’s at these times when it feels dark that the light reminds me to come back to it and feel it shine on me again.
In this moment, there is peace and hope and light no matter what is happening.
Right here. Right now.
To this moment,