Nearly 29 years = How long we’ve been dating.
Almost every weekend we go on a date together.
I know, some people scoff at those who say dating each other will save your marriage.
For us, it’s worked like magic.
(Along with lots of other stuff, of course)
Going on dates every week hasn’t been easy.
•we’ve never lived around family, so no automatic babysitters•we had twins (I pumped and stored milk so we could go out within a week of them being born)•some weeks it seems like too much of a hassle (example: see previous reason)•we have four kids•life is busy•planning ahead is pain•sometimes we have no idea what to do•dates seem like the same thing every week…go to dinner, come home, the end•lots more reasons/excuses
Why we go on a date every week:
•we get reminded we like to hang out with each other•we maintain out identity as a couple and individually outside of parenting•we get to talk about things other than kids and schedules•we have deep uninterrupted conversations on philosophical things•we have a chance to talk about the future we want for ourselves and as a couple•we get a welcome break from our kids•it’s good for our kids to see us hang out without them•also good for our kids to have a break from us
Things we’ve done on our dates:
•go out to dinner and chat (this is what we do A LOT of the time)•find new trails to hike•start driving and flip a coin for the next turn•visit a town we’ve never been to•take salsa (dance) lessons•pottery lessons•escape rooms•watch planes take off at the airport•stargaze on a blanket in a field•get caught by the police after dark at a park•go to a concert•pick a letter of the alphabet and do everything on our date that starts with that letter (example D: donuts, drive, dip in a pool, feed the ducks, etc)•see a movie (also one of our staples before covid)•have sex•read a book•play a game•put a puzzle together•ask each other questions out of a question book•talk about where we want to be five years from now•go to the theatre
As you can see…nothing is incredibly grand or out of the ordinary, necessarily. WE are the ones that make it magical. The two of us, together. Just us.
We make everything on that list amazing for us.
Quantity of dates leads to a quality relationship on levels outside of parenting and the daily-ness of life.
I know it’s not easy.
People see us out on dates together and say:
“We need to do that”“I wish we could go on dates every week”“You guys are lucky.”“We can’t do that.”
It’s not luck.
We aren’t a special circumstance.
We don’t look for reasons we can’t go on a date.
We look for ways to keep dating.
It’s not something that happens to you.
We made a decision and then every week, we make it happen.
There are plenty of times we’ve not wanted to do the work it takes to go on a date.
Sometimes, we are bugged at each other when we leave.
Inevitably, it’s always worth the effort to say to each other, and remind ourselves,
“You matter. We matter. I’m willing to do what it takes to say that again and again and again.”
Before you say, “I wish my spouse would be into dating every week.”
It only takes one person in the relationship to make this commitment.
Anything is possible.
If you want to date each other, it IS possible.
I know it seems difficult. I’ve been there.
I promise, it can happen for you, too, if you want it too.
If you want help, I can help.
Ready for your free consult to find out how we could work together?